I could not make this stuff up if I tried!

I just had a date so bad that it brought me out of my blogging hiatus. eHarmony has been a little low on the dating pool, so I didn't turn down my girl Nicole when she said she had a guy she wanted to set me up with. Mr. Oh No He Didn't is 24 and a massage therapist. Nicole met him at Massage Envy when he gave her a great deep tissue massage and they got to talking (should have been my first tip off, who wants a masseuse who talks the whole time?) She didn't know much about him, but thought he was super cute and she gave him my number. She warned me that he had a little "latin flavor," as she called it. I'm all about the tall, dark, and handsome, but like my ethnic boys a little white washed. (By the way, I am not going to be P.C. on my blog so stop reading now if you're easily offended.) When I talked to him on the phone, his accent was totally that of an authentic mexican, but I trusted Nicole and decided to meet him for coffee.

I knew I'd get there before him since the Starbucks was around the corner from my house, so I told him I'd meet him outside on the patio. When I sat down with my Venti Skinny Caramel Latte over ice, there was another cute, young, brunette girl, in a black shirt and jeans. I actually had to steal one of her chairs and we got to chatting. I told her I was meeting a blind date and since we looked somewhat similar, I was curious as to who he would walk up to. She said she was married, so I didn't have to worry and offered to pull me aside if it started going down in flames.

Mr. Oh No He Didn't showed up and my stomach almost dropped through my butt. He looked like he could be standing in front of Home Depot waiting for work. Mr. ONHD had Raider tattoos on his arms and had obviously not been to a dentist since he crossed the border. He sat down and I fumbled for my words. I asked him if he wanted to go get his drink since I already had mine. He asked me what I was drinking and I told him. He then did the most odd, disgusting first date/first MINUTE behavior I have ever seen. He grabbed my drink and TOOK. A. SIP.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was my face:He said it was delicious and went in to get his own. Um... dude. Now, don't get me wrong -- I'm not germaphobe, but I just met you 30 seconds ago and you didn't even ask!! What kind of a barn did you grow up in?! Once Mr. ONHD was inside, I turned to my brunette friend and she pretty much had the same shocked face as I did. By this time, the two older guys at the table in front of me had heard me and my new bestie chatting and told me I was terrible while they laughed. I asked her if it would be in bad taste if I ran to my car while he was inside and she said no, it'd be hilarious and she'd cover for me. HA! I then remembered I have two dates coming up and the last thing I need is bad date karma. I sat through 30 minutes of the most forced, awkward conversation while he pretty much undressed me with his eyes. I was so skeeved out, I couldn't stand it. All I could think about was the hell I was going to give Nicole the next time I saw her. I kept looking for an out, and then Tallulah came up! I told him I had to run because she really needed to be let out. I said a quick good bye and had to use all of my restraint not to bust out in a dead sprint to my car. Good old Lu... she sure is good for a lot of things!

Teenage Tallulah-- going through the pomeranian puppy uglies. (Google it.)

The next two guys are from eHarmony and I am actually pretty excited about both of them. Come on dating gods!! Throw me a bone!! Wish me luck!

Bacon, bacon, and more bacon.

Earlier this week, Jessica and I got our monthly pedicures at our favorite nail salon in our CM hood. Somewhere in between our girlie gossip and catching up on our mundane (mine) and exciting (hers) lives, she invited me to a Yelp Elite event with an amazing theme: BACON! I, of course, could not pass up the offer of time with some of my favorite girls and free bacon related food and booze.

A bunch of other Yelp lovin' friends of ours were going too, so we decided to hit up YardHouse's Happy Hour before hand. I've been doing whole grain only, no/low sugar diet for 3 weeks now, but know when to cheat just a little bit. Instead of the glorious Hefs and beer ciders the girls were drinking, I had a few not-so-bad diet Roman Cokes. I actually found something on the menu (the Spicy Tuna Roll) that totally went with my diet and only had a few bites of the other girls' deliciously carby-sugary yummyness. I was off to a good start!

ClaireBear and Me

After a couple of hours of eating, drinking, and chatting with Jessica, Claire, Jenny, and Diane, we headed off to the fair grounds where the Yelp event was held.

Yelp Elite! Woot.

Jenny, our resident bacon ambassador.

I had a blast eating bacon wrapped shrimp, bacon wrapped meatballs, candied bacon, bacon dipped in chocolate (my fave bacon-inspired item of the night,) bacon bloody mary's, and chocolate bacon martinis. They also had some super yummy fried fair food like fried oreos (my new favveeee!!) and zucchini weenies. After going through all of the photos on my camera, I realized I pretty much only take pictures of people. I went to an event where the main focus was food and I did not take ONE picture of any of it! Ha. Bad blogger. Oh well, I know there are a handful of other blog posts about the event out there. Go read theirs!

Real Hotties of Orange County

All the lovely girls.

I had a ton of fun and left very, very full, but I definitely paid for it later. I passed out on the couch with Tallulah a few minutes after I got home and woke up around 4 am, sick as a dog. You cannot completely change the way you eat for 3 weeks and then ingest that much junk all at once. It felt like a combo of the worst hangover ever, food poisoning, and being hit by a truck. Tallulah and I crawled to my bed after pounding some water and suffered for about 45 minutes until I fell asleep again. Thankfully, I woke up feeling MUCH better. Even though I felt like death for a bit, it was definitely worth it!