a little bird told me so.: I could not make this stuff up if I tried!

I just had a date so bad that it brought me out of my blogging hiatus. eHarmony has been a little low on the dating pool, so I didn't turn down my girl Nicole when she said she had a guy she wanted to set me up with. Mr. Oh No He Didn't is 24 and a massage therapist. Nicole met him at Massage Envy when he gave her a great deep tissue massage and they got to talking (should have been my first tip off, who wants a masseuse who talks the whole time?) She didn't know much about him, but thought he was super cute and she gave him my number. She warned me that he had a little "latin flavor," as she called it. I'm all about the tall, dark, and handsome, but like my ethnic boys a little white washed. (By the way, I am not going to be P.C. on my blog so stop reading now if you're easily offended.) When I talked to him on the phone, his accent was totally that of an authentic mexican, but I trusted Nicole and decided to meet him for coffee.

I knew I'd get there before him since the Starbucks was around the corner from my house, so I told him I'd meet him outside on the patio. When I sat down with my Venti Skinny Caramel Latte over ice, there was another cute, young, brunette girl, in a black shirt and jeans. I actually had to steal one of her chairs and we got to chatting. I told her I was meeting a blind date and since we looked somewhat similar, I was curious as to who he would walk up to. She said she was married, so I didn't have to worry and offered to pull me aside if it started going down in flames.

Mr. Oh No He Didn't showed up and my stomach almost dropped through my butt. He looked like he could be standing in front of Home Depot waiting for work. Mr. ONHD had Raider tattoos on his arms and had obviously not been to a dentist since he crossed the border. He sat down and I fumbled for my words. I asked him if he wanted to go get his drink since I already had mine. He asked me what I was drinking and I told him. He then did the most odd, disgusting first date/first MINUTE behavior I have ever seen. He grabbed my drink and TOOK. A. SIP.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was my face:

He said it was delicious and went in to get his own. Um... dude. Now, don't get me wrong -- I'm not germaphobe, but I just met you 30 seconds ago and you didn't even ask!! What kind of a barn did you grow up in?! Once Mr. ONHD was inside, I turned to my brunette friend and she pretty much had the same shocked face as I did. By this time, the two older guys at the table in front of me had heard me and my new bestie chatting and told me I was terrible while they laughed. I asked her if it would be in bad taste if I ran to my car while he was inside and she said no, it'd be hilarious and she'd cover for me. HA! I then remembered I have two dates coming up and the last thing I need is bad date karma. I sat through 30 minutes of the most forced, awkward conversation while he pretty much undressed me with his eyes. I was so skeeved out, I couldn't stand it. All I could think about was the hell I was going to give Nicole the next time I saw her. I kept looking for an out, and then Tallulah came up! I told him I had to run because she really needed to be let out. I said a quick good bye and had to use all of my restraint not to bust out in a dead sprint to my car. Good old Lu... she sure is good for a lot of things!